The afternoon was going well.  Mandy had slept for about two hours, which she really needed, giving me the opportunity to catch up on some of that e-mail that was piling up.   I was going to have to change a few things with this.  It was starting to become a bit overwhelming.  There should be no need to have more than two hundred e-mails coming in daily, when you are not a business.

I picked up the little bundle and sung to her softly while I changed her diaper and allowed her to fully wake.  I loved watching her as she wiped her big brown eyes and moved the tousled blonde curls away from her face.  I hoped that these days would linger as long as possible.  Often, I felt like I would soon be transported to my midlife years and miss her growing stages along the way. With that thought, I scooped her into my arms and hugged her as tightly as I dared. My darling Mandy.

It’s a pity that you will never know your father. He was a wild and crazy type of man.  Your eyes are so much like his and, so far, you host his quirky smile too. It seemed that we had a good thing going.  We had both believed that we were going to continue being free spirits, even more so once we had word that I had become pregnant.  The last thing we wanted for you,little Mandy, was a world filled with gadgets and supertechnology. Our lives involved gathering supplies for winter, mainly from our garden, the forest and a few animals that we raised for slaughter.  Canning and dehydrating to set the foodstuff that would nourish your growth inside of me. The beauty of nature surrounded us and we were blessed.

During one of the excursions to finish our wood gathering,  I had to stop and let your father feel you kicking. Man, you had a mean right foot. Kind of like the one you use when ever I sneak you into my bed at night. We were more than half-finished loading the trailer when the wind picked up.  The trees were swaying and groaning as the invisible force hurled its fury at them. In a split second, there was a horrendous crack and the top third of a tree came spiraling towards us. Your father tried to get us out-of-the-way, but he was not quick enough. I had to leave him there while I tried to find help.  By the time I got to the phone, explained the situation to the 9-1-1 operator, grabbed our first aid kit and returned, he was gone.  I am sure that I was howling louder than the wind.

It was not long after this, my dear girl, that you entered the world. Rebehka was your midwife and she coached me through the birth. You came peacefully into this world, just a gentle wail to let us know you were breathing, and then you became the old sage that you are now.

At times, I think your father came back  to me through you. I know, in my heart, that he is gone and I know that people in the same situation say they ‘know’ the lost soul is watching over them.  I just take  comfort in you being here now.

As I held you  for the first time, Rebehka helped you suckle. That was a little tricky, but once you found the nipple and what you were able to draw from it, you went hog-wild. We both laughed over the instant  glutton you became. 

I had to move from the land, as I could not keep up the expenses the same way I did  while your father shared my life.  As we emerged from there and incorporated the small town life into ours, I became consumed with the internet.  I have to get this under control! If I don’t I am afraid everything I once stood for will be gone. I need to teach you so many things, Mandy.

So much more is waiting for us. Turn it off!!

This is a work of fiction.





4 comments on “Yearning

  1. Well written! I like it!!


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